A couple months ago, one of my sister's friends, Jessica Simmons came home from living in Thailand for a year. She worked with an organization called Destiny Rescue. They rescue girls/children from the rampant sex industries in Thailand, Cambodia, & Mozambique. They offer them an escape, place to live, education, different job opportunities, medical & physiological attention, etc. They also have a prevention program to educate targeted (poor) families so they are not subject to that future. They are an incredible organization. I had been familiar with them due to my friend and sister working with them in years past, so I was excited to talk with Jessica about what's been going on over there.
We all went to lunch a few days after she got home and we had a great time talking about family, friends, and her incredible year with DR. When we returned home, she saw all my scarves laying in our living room and we started talking about the benefit this year. With my sister home, I didn't even have a clear direction as far as where to give the money that was going to be raised! She just blurted out that DR was looking for job opportunities for the girls and that I should go over there to teach the girls how to crochet and we could sell what they made. She added that the money we raised at the fund-raiser could send us over there to start it all. And BAM. Just like that, it was done. It was almost as if, God had wrapped COLORS up in a beautiful box with gorgeous paper and bow, and sat it in my lap. Before I even said one word, I knew that this was it. I don't think I have ever been more sure about anything.
That's when it all started, and I can't even begin to describe what God has done since. I have been in a constant state of overwhelmness. (New word) Everyone that I know is helping, contributing what they can to this and as each day passes, I am becoming more invisible. Just like he promised. At this point, I don't even think I need to be there for this night/company to be all it will be, and that is how I know that it is all HIM. I am honored to be a part of it and to be surrounded with such amazing, talented people. Jessica Stewart, thanks for being my partner on this wild ride! Mayhay, thanks for the inspiration of all of this. Mom, for always supporting me & believing in me, always. Andy, your support means more to me than anything, you have NO idea! Munclefred (Jessica, Michaela, Meghan, Kayla), you are 4 of the most talented, fun people and our 2 companies will forever be BFFs :) Joseph Stagnaro, you can do everything and you are AMAZING at it all, don't you doubt it. Joe Brim, for the past years and this one, you are a constant fixture ;) Brittany, you have been there for me for the past 10 years, and I will forever be grateful for your friendship (and fudge ;) Natalie, just your words of encouragement and love are worth more than I could ever repay. Keenan, Tim, & Eric, all three of you have been there for my family for the past several years. You hold special places in our hearts for your generosity.
All of you, are why I know that this is from God. Thank you for allowing me to be small part. This night will be amazing, and it is only the beginning. God is about to open eyes and hearts to the realities of what is happening to his children on the other side of the world, and we are going to help change it! What an incredible mission. Are you ready?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
COLORS (in all caps)
So this blog might be one of my favorites that I will ever write, for many reasons. The first is that it is extremely personal. And that makes me happy because when I am really honest and open, I feel like you know me better. Good or bad, you know my heart that means I don't have to pretend anymore. The second reason I am pumped about this blog is because it gives you insight into my heart (and God's heart) for this company we are starting, COLORS.
First I have to explain the way me and God work together. Several years ago, (when I was better about spending alone time with God), I would journal. I would journal my prayers to God and as silly as it sounds, he would journal back. I write in cursive most of the time (when I am trying to write with any speed or intention). One day when I was journaling I felt God speak to me and I didn't want to forget it so I immediately wrote it down. I wrote it in all caps so I didn't confuse my prayers and God's answers. And so the tradition began. I would pray (in cursive) and God would answer (in caps). It was lovely, and it's hard to explain. A dialogue was the only way I could tap in and listen to him without losing focus. I still do it if I really need to hear/listen to him, although, not as often as I'd like. I NEVER feel closer to him than when we dialogue. You may think I'm crazy/weird but that's okay, you all probably think that anyway :)
SO, I want to share one of our dialogues. In preparing for Scarf Some Sweets and launching COLORS, I was reminded of one of our conversations a couple years ago when God revealed to me his heart for this company. I am sharing it because I want you to understand the timing and hold me accountable to the standards that HE set. My next blog will explain how everything God said set all of this in motion and how it all came to fruition. It's incredibly exciting to be a part of this and I'm thrilled that you want to be a part as well :) Here goes:
Thank you God. I am so undeserving. Thank you for reminding me of "Colors".
COLORS. (IT WILL BE IN ALL CAPS , BECAUSE IT'S FROM ME.)
DON'T PUT A TIME LINE ON IT. A VERSION OF IT WILL HAPPEN. BE PATIENT AND FOLLOW MY LEAD. DO NOT PUSH IT. YOU WILL KNOW. JUST GO WITH MY FLOW. COLORS WILL HAPPEN! I PROMISE. IT WAS FROM ME. DON'T DOUBT IT. I WILL MAKE YOU INVISIBLE. LIKE THE INNER WORKINGS OF YOUR BODY, ESSENTIAL BUT NOT SEEN. THAT'S HOW YOU WILL KNOW IT'S FROM ME. YOU WILL BE THE HEART AND BLOOD BUT NOT SKIN. BUT DON'T WORRY, I WILL PROVIDE IT ALL AND IT WILL BE A GREAT WORK FOR MY NAME. I WILL RECEIVE ALL THE GLORY. JUST LIKE IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
Just like it is supposed to be. To you be the honor and praise. Work in, with, and through me.
Amen
First I have to explain the way me and God work together. Several years ago, (when I was better about spending alone time with God), I would journal. I would journal my prayers to God and as silly as it sounds, he would journal back. I write in cursive most of the time (when I am trying to write with any speed or intention). One day when I was journaling I felt God speak to me and I didn't want to forget it so I immediately wrote it down. I wrote it in all caps so I didn't confuse my prayers and God's answers. And so the tradition began. I would pray (in cursive) and God would answer (in caps). It was lovely, and it's hard to explain. A dialogue was the only way I could tap in and listen to him without losing focus. I still do it if I really need to hear/listen to him, although, not as often as I'd like. I NEVER feel closer to him than when we dialogue. You may think I'm crazy/weird but that's okay, you all probably think that anyway :)
SO, I want to share one of our dialogues. In preparing for Scarf Some Sweets and launching COLORS, I was reminded of one of our conversations a couple years ago when God revealed to me his heart for this company. I am sharing it because I want you to understand the timing and hold me accountable to the standards that HE set. My next blog will explain how everything God said set all of this in motion and how it all came to fruition. It's incredibly exciting to be a part of this and I'm thrilled that you want to be a part as well :) Here goes:
Thank you God. I am so undeserving. Thank you for reminding me of "Colors".
COLORS. (IT WILL BE IN ALL CAPS , BECAUSE IT'S FROM ME.)
DON'T PUT A TIME LINE ON IT. A VERSION OF IT WILL HAPPEN. BE PATIENT AND FOLLOW MY LEAD. DO NOT PUSH IT. YOU WILL KNOW. JUST GO WITH MY FLOW. COLORS WILL HAPPEN! I PROMISE. IT WAS FROM ME. DON'T DOUBT IT. I WILL MAKE YOU INVISIBLE. LIKE THE INNER WORKINGS OF YOUR BODY, ESSENTIAL BUT NOT SEEN. THAT'S HOW YOU WILL KNOW IT'S FROM ME. YOU WILL BE THE HEART AND BLOOD BUT NOT SKIN. BUT DON'T WORRY, I WILL PROVIDE IT ALL AND IT WILL BE A GREAT WORK FOR MY NAME. I WILL RECEIVE ALL THE GLORY. JUST LIKE IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
Just like it is supposed to be. To you be the honor and praise. Work in, with, and through me.
Amen
Monday, August 16, 2010
Steen: The Protagonist?
So when I think of myself, I definitely don't consider myself a protagonist. Well, I do, but not a good one. Not the traditional heroine: strong, witty, determined, long hair flowing around her as she defeats the bad guys and apparently doesn't even need her hair in a ponytail?! I never felt as though I fit what the world consideres my roles, wife, mother, pastors wife. I mean, I have facial piercings and wore a mohawk for crying out loud. But I have found strength in that, not being what people assume. It's like my alias. Which FYI is my favorite TV show.
In order to tell you what I want my character to look like (and be the protagonist I know I can be) and what I wish to accomplish in my story over the next few years, I have to tell you a bit about my last few ones. I was married at 20 and preggers by 21. I have always loved and believed in God but it wasn't until my early 20s that I found my own faith and grew into the person God had created me to be. Donald Miller had a LOT to do with that but that is a whole other story. Anywho I had an extremely difficult delivery with my son, Eli, and so when he didn't develop normally I just assumed that the reason was his traumatic birth. It wasn't until he was 2 and a half that we started putting the pieces together. Autism. Bam. My life was changed forever. Normalcy, and the expectation of normalcy, was gone. Good thing I was never a huge fan of normalcy to begin with! By this time my daughter, Peyton, was just born. Sure enough, after a year or two we knew enough to see it coming. At the ripe old age of 25, I found myself with 2 autistic children.
To most people, this would be devastating. It would be tragic. But my life has been far from tragic. It is magical. Thrilling. Exciting. Victorious. It is an adventure! I have lived more story than most people their entire lives! My children, (apart from being gorgeous), are quirky, funny, joyful, LOVING, memorable, smart, and all around incredible. They impact EVERY one they meet. They have taught me patience, understanding, selflessness, trust, and not to take anything for granted. Eli is a genius with technology. He's 7 and can run a imac, macbook, and iphone all at the same time. (He makes videos, edits them, surfs youtube, etc) Peyton is a drama queen that I swear will have her own band were she is the lead singer, dancer, and drummer. God has used them to mold me more into the character he has me to play. But I have a ways to go yet.
The hardest part of having children with autism is that they appear normal. It isn't until they have a huge episode in public or someone tries to have a conversation with them that you can tell something is different. Both of their verbal skills are extremely lacking. We have worked really hard for them to be able to make their needs known with language and we've done well, but other than that, it has been difficult. They do not comprehend abstract thought. Only concrete things seem to register and stick with them. They see a car, they know it's blue, but if you ask why you ride in a car they just stare at you blankly. They can repeat almost anything, but they have a hard time coming up with original thoughts/ ideas. They don't understand the question why. Why they can't, why they should, or why we do. That junk is really hard to teach. They also get very overwhelmed easily, they are sensitive to certain things. So there are places or situations that we have to be very careful with. I don't tend to step out and do new things with them for fear of the outcome.
Thankfully, God has blessed me with an incredible husband who has the determination and drive that I lack. He picks up where I slack and has amazing focus. He's not afraid of stepping out, nor the reaction of the world to our little ones. He is my partner and co-star in this little romantic comedy/ drama/ tear-jearker of a film. I couldn't ask for a better co-star, (I mean, he does look like a cross between Matthew McConn-a-hottie and Bode Miller!)
And speaking of where I lack...
Here is where I, as a protagonist, fall short. I am undisciplined. I lack follow-through. I have great intentions but no determination. I give up too easily. I avoid conflict. There are many therapies that we can apply for, detoxes available, different diets, supplements to give, classes that we could attend, that could help our situation tremendously. I've started SO many of these and just not finished or followed through with them. I could put the kids in dance or theater classes to help them be around typical kids, but I am nervous they wouldn't integrate well enough. I've started different detoxes and quit because it just got too difficult. I HAVE to learn to push through. I am an artist, so I tend to focus on the beauty and acceptance of something rather than the action required to correct it. I find myself accepting the kids as they are and finding the beauty of the autism (which is not all bad), but if I don't push them to grow and learn even more, who will?! I am their only mother, their only shot. The problem with me not being the character I need to be is that it affects more than just me and my story, it affects my children's.
My children require a heroine full of focus, strategy, determination, action, follow-through, perseverance, and structure. They require me to step up and be the protagonist that God has called me to be. To fight for them, and raise them up to be protagonists of their own stories. And let me tell you, they will be HEROIC characters, super heroes even! I might even go ahead and buy them tights. I truly believe that both of them will live full, "normal" lives and function in society as adults. I believe that in the next couple of years they will be in regular education classes with friends just like a typical kid. Their stories will include an autistic diagnose as a child and the overcoming of that obstacle. Their stories will be EPIC. And I need to be who they need me to be for that to happen.
So all that being said, I am hoping that by winning this contest and coming to this seminar, I will gain the knowledge and motivation to learn how to plan and structure my story, and action steps to follow through. At least how I wish it to go :) If I have learned anything it is that we have no control over things, but we have complete control of how we handle them. I mean, shoot, if standing on stage with one of the most influential people in my spiritual walk and telling my story to thousands of people doesn't give me the motivation and accountability to follow through, then I'm just screwed :)
Thanks for taking the time to read some of my story.
And here's to better ones,
Chillax,
Steen
www.donmilleris.com/conference
In order to tell you what I want my character to look like (and be the protagonist I know I can be) and what I wish to accomplish in my story over the next few years, I have to tell you a bit about my last few ones. I was married at 20 and preggers by 21. I have always loved and believed in God but it wasn't until my early 20s that I found my own faith and grew into the person God had created me to be. Donald Miller had a LOT to do with that but that is a whole other story. Anywho I had an extremely difficult delivery with my son, Eli, and so when he didn't develop normally I just assumed that the reason was his traumatic birth. It wasn't until he was 2 and a half that we started putting the pieces together. Autism. Bam. My life was changed forever. Normalcy, and the expectation of normalcy, was gone. Good thing I was never a huge fan of normalcy to begin with! By this time my daughter, Peyton, was just born. Sure enough, after a year or two we knew enough to see it coming. At the ripe old age of 25, I found myself with 2 autistic children.
To most people, this would be devastating. It would be tragic. But my life has been far from tragic. It is magical. Thrilling. Exciting. Victorious. It is an adventure! I have lived more story than most people their entire lives! My children, (apart from being gorgeous), are quirky, funny, joyful, LOVING, memorable, smart, and all around incredible. They impact EVERY one they meet. They have taught me patience, understanding, selflessness, trust, and not to take anything for granted. Eli is a genius with technology. He's 7 and can run a imac, macbook, and iphone all at the same time. (He makes videos, edits them, surfs youtube, etc) Peyton is a drama queen that I swear will have her own band were she is the lead singer, dancer, and drummer. God has used them to mold me more into the character he has me to play. But I have a ways to go yet.
The hardest part of having children with autism is that they appear normal. It isn't until they have a huge episode in public or someone tries to have a conversation with them that you can tell something is different. Both of their verbal skills are extremely lacking. We have worked really hard for them to be able to make their needs known with language and we've done well, but other than that, it has been difficult. They do not comprehend abstract thought. Only concrete things seem to register and stick with them. They see a car, they know it's blue, but if you ask why you ride in a car they just stare at you blankly. They can repeat almost anything, but they have a hard time coming up with original thoughts/ ideas. They don't understand the question why. Why they can't, why they should, or why we do. That junk is really hard to teach. They also get very overwhelmed easily, they are sensitive to certain things. So there are places or situations that we have to be very careful with. I don't tend to step out and do new things with them for fear of the outcome.
Thankfully, God has blessed me with an incredible husband who has the determination and drive that I lack. He picks up where I slack and has amazing focus. He's not afraid of stepping out, nor the reaction of the world to our little ones. He is my partner and co-star in this little romantic comedy/ drama/ tear-jearker of a film. I couldn't ask for a better co-star, (I mean, he does look like a cross between Matthew McConn-a-hottie and Bode Miller!)
And speaking of where I lack...
Here is where I, as a protagonist, fall short. I am undisciplined. I lack follow-through. I have great intentions but no determination. I give up too easily. I avoid conflict. There are many therapies that we can apply for, detoxes available, different diets, supplements to give, classes that we could attend, that could help our situation tremendously. I've started SO many of these and just not finished or followed through with them. I could put the kids in dance or theater classes to help them be around typical kids, but I am nervous they wouldn't integrate well enough. I've started different detoxes and quit because it just got too difficult. I HAVE to learn to push through. I am an artist, so I tend to focus on the beauty and acceptance of something rather than the action required to correct it. I find myself accepting the kids as they are and finding the beauty of the autism (which is not all bad), but if I don't push them to grow and learn even more, who will?! I am their only mother, their only shot. The problem with me not being the character I need to be is that it affects more than just me and my story, it affects my children's.
My children require a heroine full of focus, strategy, determination, action, follow-through, perseverance, and structure. They require me to step up and be the protagonist that God has called me to be. To fight for them, and raise them up to be protagonists of their own stories. And let me tell you, they will be HEROIC characters, super heroes even! I might even go ahead and buy them tights. I truly believe that both of them will live full, "normal" lives and function in society as adults. I believe that in the next couple of years they will be in regular education classes with friends just like a typical kid. Their stories will include an autistic diagnose as a child and the overcoming of that obstacle. Their stories will be EPIC. And I need to be who they need me to be for that to happen.
So all that being said, I am hoping that by winning this contest and coming to this seminar, I will gain the knowledge and motivation to learn how to plan and structure my story, and action steps to follow through. At least how I wish it to go :) If I have learned anything it is that we have no control over things, but we have complete control of how we handle them. I mean, shoot, if standing on stage with one of the most influential people in my spiritual walk and telling my story to thousands of people doesn't give me the motivation and accountability to follow through, then I'm just screwed :)
Thanks for taking the time to read some of my story.
And here's to better ones,
Chillax,
Steen
www.donmilleris.com/conference
Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.
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