Warring with the Enemy.

Okay, so for those of you who know me well, you know that I am a positive, upbeat, joyful, glass is half full kind of girl.  This is partially why this post will be so disturbing.  I am not writing it to disturb you, in fact I am writing it for many reasons.  I will tell you those in un momento.  First, you need to know that I firmly believe in spiritual warfare.  It is real, it is intense and it is very, very serious.  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy for sure.  Another thing that is important to know is that many, if not most of the battles take place in your mind because that is what he is after.  Okay, so why am I sharing what I am about to share with you?

A.  You need to know that EVERYBODY is fair game to the enemy.  And even a "happy" person can get dragged into the gutter.

2.  I want to show just an example of how Satan can trap you and try to take your mind so you will be prepared against such an attack. 

C.  I need your prayers.  When the enemy attacks me it is extremely intense as you will see.  Which just shows that God has amazing plans for my life and the life of my children, so I need all the prayer cover I can get!

4.  I want you to know the real me.  For accountability, for intimacy and a real relationship. I am not interested in faking anything for anyone.  

All that being said, here is what happened to me this weekend:  We all have bad days.  We have "off" days where we feel down, sad, for no particular reason.  I had a couple on Thursday and Friday.  Just blah days... I felt lonely, depressed, boring, and down right pitiful.  Tara is gone, we didn't have any plans for the Fourth, etc.  That was phase one, the spirit of depression.  I didn't recognize it because it is subtle.  It was his entry.  (Let me clarify real quick my belief on how demons work.  Once you have the Holy Spirit inside you, demons can not "enter" you.  I believe that they can attach to you and attempt to gain control over your mind and make your life miserable, but they can't take you over.)  So without me even realizing it, the demon of depression had it's talon in me.  The second phase was the spirit of lies.  He showed himself slowly, a lie here and there so as not to alarm me.  If you are suddenly bombarded with many lies at once, you realize that it is an attack and it's easier to fight against, but if it's slowly...you don't even realize it's happening.  

"I am not the best parent for my children." "I am not doing enough to help them."  "I am lazy and pathetic."  "I can't even get out of my pj's!"

(Remember, the enemy is trying to take over your mind, so the thoughts will be camaflouged as if your own thoughts.  But they are NOT!)

So this lasted for a few days.  Couldn't sleep well on Saturday night, completely restless.  Then all of the sudden Sunday morning,  full on ambush.  All morning I was heavy, I mean really heavy.  I almost didn't go to church simply because I didn't want to keep moving.  I started to realize what was happening, that it was the enemy...then all hades broke loose.  Once I realized what was happening there became a combat with in myself.  It was SO weird.  Almost like an out of body experience.  I knew how to fight it, but for some reason I didn't care.  I was literally arguing with myself.  One the way to church while me and the kids were in the car, it got way worse.  The third demon showed itself.  Now, there are only a few times that this vile creature has ever attacked me, the first time I will never forget.  It almost won.  Satan doesn't usually use it because I immediately know that it his him and tell him to get lost.  But he knew that I was unusually weak that Sunday morning and tried it again.  The demon of suicide.  I know that it sounds terrible and shocking.  But it's Satan, what do you expect?  I'm going to give you a brief moment into my car ride to church, the war that waged between the Holy Spirit and the demons:

Suicide:  "Maybe I should just hit that car coming on the on ramp and be done with this.  My kids are autistic, they are going to suffer.  They would be better off going to heaven."

Holy Spirit:  "God has a plan for me, God is going to use Eli and Peyton like I can't even imagine!"

Suicide:  "I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle.  They are not getting better."

Holy Spirit:  "Just tell these nasty demons to leave me alone and they will leave.  I have power over them, they have to obey me!"

Lies:  "I don't even care.  I'm not strong enough. I'm weak and tired."

Holy Spirit:  "Just get to Andy when you get to church, he will war on my behalf."

Lies:  "He is too busy, he'll just think that I want attention and am acting out."

Holy Spirit:  "He loves me and would do anything for me.  He would drop the entire morning service to free me from this!"

This is just a couple of minutes of the torture that is spiritual warefare.  Long story short, I made it to Andy.  And he did war on my behalf, he prayed and told the spirits to leave me and they did.  Within a few minutes I felt strong, like I could do anything.  Exactly like God intends me to feel!  I am so thankful that I have a husband who understands the war that is waged against us, and uses the authority that the Holy Spirit gives us to defend against it.  I still don't know why I couldn't war on my OWN behalf, I am praying for God to help me understand that. But I know that that is why he calls us to live in community with others, so that we will have people around us to fight this fight with.  So next time you start thinking things that are contractory to what you know is the truth, recognize it for what it is:  lies.  Tell it to leave in Jesus name (aloud).  And be free.  Freedom is what God has called us to, it's what He desires for us.  So let's live in it.  Always feel free to call me or email me if you need prayer or warring!  I don't think that it is a coincidence that this happened a week after Tara left, she kept me strong.  So Tara, honey, keep praying for me.  I know that I don't need you here, but I know what an awesome prayer warrior you are!  

Thank you all for loving and supporting me through good and bad times.  God has a plan for my life and the life of my family, and I am SICK and TIRED of the enemy trying to steal from me, kill me, and destroy me!  So I ask you to join me in waging war against our ENEMY!